Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
