it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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