I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
