I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
