I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
