Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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