I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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