If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
