I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
