I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUCK WHALES
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
