I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
