I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How does one acquire holy water?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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