can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
