dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
