I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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