I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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