Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
