the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
