Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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