Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
