That's when you crack a 10am beer
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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