I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
