High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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