Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
