It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
