Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
