every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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