well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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