Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
