if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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