Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
