Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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