nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
