Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize