i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
