It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize