This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
