the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
