dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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