people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We named our party play list daddy issues
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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