its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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