You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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