The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
