he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
