...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
