I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
