Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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