i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
