Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
