You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
