I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
