i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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