I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
