Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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