I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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