I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
