Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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