I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
