i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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