All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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