does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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