love makes seman taste better
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
