Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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