if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
