I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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