this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
