I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish my penis had a tongue
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
