went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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