Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
worst night to have a conscience
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize