he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
