imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
