it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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