Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
