as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
