I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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