You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
