please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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