I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
